Another Year Older

Nothing to report

Keeping busier then normal

but nothing to report.

Around this Time.....

It's around this time......
When the leaves are begining to change, the air gets a crisp bit to it, people begin to wear more browns and maroons. That I begin to miss Sharon.

This was her month. As soon as the Topsfield Fair put out the tents she's be there. Her house was amazing at October, with huge pumkins, ghouls and cobwebs. The smell of the farm not to far off. Her famous beef stew cooking on the stove. It was her time to shine, Summer was over, which mean all Ice Cream would be packed away for next year, Spring was just a dream away with its deadly strawberries. It was Fall where she could have time to knit, read a book or just go to her spin class without worrying about what was happing at the shop. She could go to her Fall craft fairs.

But most of all she visit me.

There's something about the fact that Salem does Ocotber right, that just makes me miss her every time. I would awalys get a card with Tick Or Treat written on the front. I would look forward to the Vients going to Maine, but when I got back to the real world, it was all about the care package, full of candy and warm wishes. If she needed a break or just wanted to see me she would visit, with apple cider.

I miss her, and it gets harder every year.

The thing about Depression

Here's the thing that gets me with depression

I have been doing the right things, eating better, talking to the right people, I have even gone has far has taking the right herb pills and teas to help my mood. That regardless of what is really happening this summer has been better then the rest. I may not have alot of money and I am still going from paycheck to paycheck, but the fact that since school has come out I have only had 2 bad days. Today being one of them.

What I don't like is that it no longer comes in slowly, where I used to be able to work around the sad feeling creeping in, sleep alittle bit more and watch movies. Most likely skipping school in the process. But now, it hits like a ton of stones, or a huge wave, something I can't ignore nor fix. I have to try to wait it out, see if I come out better once everything has pasted.

Today I asked to leave work early, because I couldn't fact being happy, my back started hurting, and I just haven't been hungery. I did try to hang with my room mates, but even that seemed more like a chore then some fun trip. Then I panic about something small and stupid, walk to the school for the internet and find out all that fear was for nothing.

I'm hurting.........tommarrow will be like today never happened, and I will go on, hoping this won't happening again.


But the sick part is, I like being sad.........I LIKE CRYING MY SELF TO SLEEP. I hate having to put on this fucking front, of holding all this bullshit in. So at least it feels when I'm drowning in this storm, I have the idea that I'm not gone.....I'm still here.......and I still have feelings.


At least it's one hard day.........tomarrow is something new








just wish it didnt hurt so much

YAY PARKING LOT!!

So because I can't steal the internet anymore, which is very upsetting I have come to be seen sitting in the Parking lot of the Salem State College gym, just so I can connect with the outside world.


This is how sad I have become................also it feels as if Summer just started and yet in just a few weeks.....less then that even I have to go back to hell know has college.


And then SWM isn't any better being everyone is fucking leaving, or already gone



WHAT THE FUCK!???!!!

*sigh*

sigh

you know your in trouble when your sitting in the Campus Center parking lot, just to get a few bars of internet.....just so for a few minutes before you get ready for work you are connected to the world.

Not like I really need to be connected at all, not alot of people are around, calling me back or caring.

But its nice to take a look and see whats going on.............


right?......................right?

Still thinking of Oragon

So has the rain ended late into the night, I still think Oragon is the place to go to next.


This means I'm going to have to pick up a pair of water boots and a rain jacket.



I also have been thinking maybe (instead) going to Washington, the more I think about it, the more exsited and scared I become. I have no savety net. But I'm ready for it. MA will always be here. Mom & Dad will still love me. And my friends (the one worth keeping) will always been in my heart.




.....................hopefully when I'm there I will find my vampire or warewolf ;-)

refreshing?

Does it count if I'm refreshing this page but has nothing to say


nothing importent to inform anyone



just minutes before bed, with a slight earache and very sore feet.



I had a long hard day at work, and it's really only the beginning, which is very upsetting.


I need a bear hug, but all I'm getting is pats of the shoulder, which doesn't count. Yes I enjoy the human contact as much as the next person but I want to be shaken.


Guess thats not happening anytime soon



CHEERS!!